You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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