Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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