Barsexuality is the new black.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
