Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
