Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
