walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
