i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
