ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy sore nipples Batman
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
