I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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