I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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