I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
