So drunk its hurt
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
