You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
