Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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