i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ladies don't puke and tell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
