yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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