Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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