I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
