I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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