Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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