I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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