Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
