just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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