Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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