i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
