Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
