the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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