He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
