I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
