My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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