Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
