this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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