that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
