After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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