I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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