There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
