There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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