I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
