you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
