I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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