so that wasnt chicken after all
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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