idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
