She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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