Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
