Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
