We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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