oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
