i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
