im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
