can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize