I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
