I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
