another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize