it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
