I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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