I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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