i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
