also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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