My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
