I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
