i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
