The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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