the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
