I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
