O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
