no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
