i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
