There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
