My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
