On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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