you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
