dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
