sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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