Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
